Author George Gilder raised the ire of feminists with his 1973 book “Men and Marriage,” in which he laid out the crucial role women play in civilizing society through marriage. Fifty years later, the plight of too many American single mothers and their children prove him right.
Gilder posited that men, particularly young men, are driven by short-term horizons that can only be tamed by marriage to women who instill a sense of responsibility for them, their children and, by extension, society.
Instead, too many young women seemed to take their cues from radical feminists who declared women didn’t need men, and from cultural icons in Hollywood and the music scene who proudly produced children without the benefit of marriage or even a stable relationship.
That may not be fatal if you’re a millionaire box office star who can hire expensive child care. Given the loopy nature of so many Hollywood stars, perhaps their kids are better off with only one narcissistic parent.
But generally, men and women have co-dependent roles to play in raising stable families.
Single mothers’ daughters grow up not knowing how a responsible father behaves. Their sons grow up without a responsible male authority figure and think fathering children with various women is a badge of masculinity. Some turn to violent street gangs for a sense of belonging and wind up dead or in jail.
U.S. Census figures show where this pathology hits hardest: among women who are minorities, less educated and underemployed.
In its 2018 report on America’s Families and Living Arrangements, the Census reported 30 percent of American mothers were raising children with no partner present in the household.
Single mothers were disproportionately black (54.5%) and either never finished high school or went no further than that (61.6%).
But white women represented a larger absolute number of single mothers — 4.9 million single mothers vs 2.7 million for blacks, according to the Census. This tragedy is not a racial problem, but one of education and upbringing.
I have seen the price paid by such women and their children among some of my own acquaintances. These are bright, hard-working women struggling to make ends meet with no one to help them take a sick child to the doctor or pay the bills.
They too often cling to men who are abusive — or prove to lack ambition — in hopes of providing some stability for their families but rarely succeed. I encouraged one woman I know to obtain legal help when her live-in companion physically abused her in front of her daughter.
She agreed to do so when I explained she could not let her child believe that such behavior was acceptable. But two months later, her boyfriend was back in the house.
This tragedy seems so easy to prevent in a society where contraceptives are readily available.
Puzzled, I turned to an acquaintance who runs a volunteer group providing help to single moms in central Virginia. Why do women allow men to do this to them, I asked?
Her response was troubling: “They think this is normal. They didn’t have parents and churches to keep them straight like we did. They grew up with single mothers and have no idea what a committed marriage looks like.”
Others are desperate for affection and affirmation.
We must instill young women with self-esteem and confidence in their abilities. But we also need to teach them — and young men — that raising children isn’t something you can do alone. Commitment and stable families are the key to their ultimate success.
